update

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm well what a messed up rubish life i have i hate my life so fucking much
i have no damn life i am such a freak i had no fun on my bday

oh yeah im 18 now i feel so old and battered like a 80 yr old instead i hate myself so much
god im in my deppressive mode again like this time last year shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh well i dont care
living at the ymca sucks i never go to town i hardly ever leave my room ive become a recluse i met mom and da over xmas it went ok ish no major arguement but on jmy bday there was a major arguement
ive finally told them the reason i treated them so badllyadn i was angry its coz i wanted to hurt as much as they were hurting me i hated them on my bday coz my 18th is meant to be my best bday ever i hated it i feel od adn like i have got no-where in life lately like im wasteing my life away adn doing nothig at all i hate my life so damn much

oh and loads of people in the ym are pregnant and its reminding me of how dumb i was in august i should never have made that deicision coz i was majorly deppressed i was in a n acute outpatients center what fit mind was i in to make that sort of deicision

its aarons fault i let him pay for it as i wanted it privet and he paid more so it would never be on my doctors record so my mom will never find out

geez i hate myself so much i should never make rash deicions if i had left it a month more i wouldnt have been able to do it and id have a 1 month old baby girl as my own right now my life would be so different i mean i have no reasn to live i have no job no education im a fucking recluse i hate myself i make dumb deicision i might as well be dead
damn i hate life
im going now
bye
maz
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